In Waterford we have some unique names for common day objects and some unique culinary delights also. Here’s the top 10 list of things that every Waterford man should have.
1. A Gallybander: Best to get a Black Widow in W.I.O.S. and a few chynees to shoot with them. You never know when a gurrier might come up to you and give you jip or guff. A gallybander will send him legging it. If you can’t afford a black widow make one out of a coat hanger and a few gallybanders (another name for rubber bands, confusing I know). Make bullets out of insulated copper wire, the heavier the better. Ouch!!!
2. A Lack: Every youngfella out there needs a lack. In Waterford some girls get offended by the term, it certainly does not mean a lack of something, in fact the more a girl has the better the lack she is. It’s like Boyles law (another Waterford man), the level of lackness is directly proportional to the level of gorgeousness. She’s sum lack boi!
3. A Bottle of Downses No. 9: Sher where else would you get such a whiskey blend. Make sure you get it down in Downseseses boi, and say hi to John, Killian and the lads in there, Play a game of squash in there too but don’t phlegm in the corner of the court ye dirty feckers.
4. A Blaa: OK, you can’t hold on to Blaas for very long and the white starchy carb content is off the charts with these babies, but you can’t bate em with a few Rashers (which were patented in Waterford too by Denny’s) or saussies. If you want to go mad, throw in a bit of red lead (luncheon roll), a few meanies and a bag of tayto and a skim (3 inches) of buttttder. Some reckon Blaas come from the world Blanc because of the floury top like Mont. Le Blonk (LOL). Some reckon the Hugenots brought them here… some reckon they were invented at the time of Jesus and the recipe was stolen as the man ran off screaming Blaas fer meeee! I reckon it was Edmund Rice created them in his bakery as he created personal loaves for the poor Catholic boys on the street.
5. A set of Knucks: If a family member worked in the Foundary (Foundaghreeee) you probably played with their knucks. I’m so bored of people telling me how they used to play with the heavy little black stars that were used to knock of bits of metal from items that were cast in de foundary I believe. (Comment to correct me if I’m wrong please).
6. Ribs and Colcannon: You can still get them in a couple of places like Jack Meades and Harneys in Dunhill. Feck BBQ ribs, I want boiled salty ones hanging off the bone, with the mouth watering fat dripping off them. Out in Harneys you can have a game of squash afterwards, but don’t phlegm in the corner ye dirty feckers. If you want to go ever more hardcore order a Crubeen or a pigs foot. Get those nasty toes into your face boi.
7. Deise Dictionary of Waterford Slang: This is a shameless plug of me own book, published a few years back. Editions wan and tew boi, with about 400 Waterford slang entries between em. Get em in the Book Centre as a stocking filler or give me a shout and I’ll sort ya
8. A Couple of Scallops: We love our carbs soaked in fat here in Waterford. A potato slice, battered, and thrown into drippings which have already cooked fish. Om nom nom, surprisingly tasty. Don’t eat too many though or your doctor will eat the head off you. Available in Chippers across the city.
9. Large Bottle off the Shelf: Seeing as Arthur’s day is just about over and Guinness in Waterford is doing it’s last bit of business here today sadly, the ould large bottle off the shelf is worth mentioning. A room temperature bottle of Guinness is not for any ordinary man. Only Deise men can handle the bitter fizz off the large bottle. As an alternative some of us are partial to the Clonmel Chardonnay.
So there you have it, this is how us men roll in the Deise
If you’d like us to do a top 10 for lacks, lettuce know. Sound. G’luck.